The Bounce-back

A tale of hope...

I'm sharing this in the hope that it resonates with someone or offers a bit if reassurance. I've always found comfort in knowing I'm not the only one who struggles - even with the seemingly simple things in life. So maybe this will help someone feel less alone, and remind them that there is hope even when all seems hopeless.

What happened

I’m 56, and have been an electrician for the last 20 years.

A couple of years ago I had a bout of clinical depression which I’m thankfully recovering from now. The depression didn’t seem to come from any rational place, but when I analysed it, I had reached a point where I was thinking ‘is this all there is?’ and kind of resigning myself to being this way for the rest of my life, with even retirement not being an option to look forward to. In short, I had lost hope for myself. If it wasn’t for having a family who needed me to keep going, I may not have got through it.

Getting help

So I spoke to the doctors, got some counselling, got onto some good medication after a few false starts. Getting the right medication improved things literally overnight for me. The lows still come and go, but not nearly so deep and paralysing now. I was finally able to see a way through the gloom and take some proactive steps to improve my life.

Life change

One of the things that became apparent was that I had a need to rediscover my creativity to help my recovery. I had started my adult life as a sculptor, but then moved into a product design job to pay the bills, then after another decade I re-trained as an electrician so that I could theoretically work anywhere. 20 years later, I’m still a self-employed electrician, but it’s never been my dream, and I feel like I’ve just been going through the motions to provide for my family.

So I made the decision to re-launch myself as an artist. I started out by revisiting the work from my 20s, discovering Instagram, posting online and creating a website. Buoyed up by the encouraging responses I received, I started creating new work and finding a new artistic voice. Since then I’ve had several exhibitions, lots of sales, won a county award and have even been featured on TV! I feel like I’ve re-discovered my passion, pride and sense of purpose.

I’m under no illusions that becoming an artist again will be an easy way to make money, but for me it’s a mentally uplifting process, which is far more important. I think I’d be happy if I can only scrape a living from it!

Comparison syndrome

I feel I have struggled for money all my life. I have a wife and two teenage kids and have always felt like I’m failing them. I’m constantly confronted with how much money other people have, and amazing holidays they’re going on while I’m working out how to afford the groceries and basic bills. I’m always having to say no to things that cost money, or occasionally saying yes in full knowledge that it’ll hurt and put us further into debt.

I try to remind myself of my successes and blessings, but find it’s too easy to focus on all the things I haven’t achieved.

My blessings:

• I have a lovely wife & kids that I’m super proud of.

• I have good and supportive friends.

• I’m reasonably fit & healthy.

• I live surrounded by beautiful countryside.

• I have some self-pride now for all the recent progress I have made.

What I struggle with:

• Low moods – sometimes apparently random, sometimes triggered by money or other stresses.

• Chronic shyness – something that has shaped my life from a young age.

  • The shyness is an area where I think being an electrician has helped. When I talk to customers, I'm on comfortable ground with the knowledge that I have and can adopt the ‘expert’ persona. I suppose it’s like acting out a part.

• ‘Phone freeze’

  • One of my big weaknesses as a self-employed person is that I freeze when the phone rings, and often don’t answer it if it’s not from someone I know. Some of it is my dread of dealing with cold callers, but I often don’t feel mentally prepared to have a conversation with a stranger. I tell myself that if it’s important they’ll leave a message, but in reality, I know that it could be a potential customer and they may just go to the next person on their list instead.

• Self-doubt and self-disappointment.

  • I have a negative voice in my head which takes over if I give it a chance, so I often try to drown it out with music or audiobooks.

  • I often feel disappointed in myself for my shortcomings.

• Guilt – the feeling that I shouldn’t be complaining, considering all my blessings and all the people who are worse-off than me.

• Lack of money!

What’s the plan?

I’m working on all my issues bit-by-bit and making progress. It’s not a straight path, but that’s ok. I’ve reached a point now where I can look back to a couple of years ago when I was at my lowest, and I’m amazed at how far things have improved. I’m actually really proud of myself for a change! Knowing now that it’s possible to make positive life changes, I’m growing in self-belief and feel optimistic that I can keep improving things and work towards a brighter future.

The message

It seems to me that reaching a point of depression was a necessary event for me to ‘wake up’ and make the life changes I needed. Without that forced ‘re-boot’, I may well have just carried on just existing for sake of my family but forgetting about my dreams. It feels like my post-depression brain has been 're-wired' and is completely different – I feel more emotionally in-tune and my outlook and perspective on life has shifted dramatically. So as strange as it may sound, I’m actually grateful for reaching my low point, as it’s enabled me to ‘bounce back’ with fresh hope for the future.

It can feel selfish to start focussing on yourself and what you really want out of life, but I think we all have more to give to the world from reaching for our potential, whatever stage of life we’re at.

So if you're struggling with or recovering from these things, I'm sending you a virtual hug and know that this darkness is a launch-pad for you to 'bounce back' to a brighter future. ❤

Hugs for everyone!

My best-selling sculpture now is the 'Small Hug', which encapsulates my new, more emotionally tuned outlook on life. I love the range of feelings that it represents for people - whether it is given for love, friendship, emotional support or just to brighten someone's day. I feel like now I have been through depression and have reached the other side, I want to offer a hug to anyone who is going through difficult times, and the 'Small Hug' is my way of reaching out. It's lovely to think that these are spreading far and wide and have now reached 3 continents!

Recommendation

I’ve just recently discovered the wisdom of Mel Robbins from a friend’s recommendation, first listening to her book ‘The Let Them Theory’ on Audible, and now working my way through her podcasts starting with episode 1. These are 100% what I need to hear at the moment, and provide a much needed daily boost of self-belief. I have dabbled in ‘self-help’ books in the past, but Mel’s straight-talking and intuitive ideas really resonate with me and actually work!